


Do Van Helsings Dream of Colourful Piñatas?

by TheBiophone



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Fate & Destiny, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Minor Character Death, Screw Destiny, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 23:46:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19095439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBiophone/pseuds/TheBiophone
Summary: Guillermo and Nandor discuss destinies.





	Do Van Helsings Dream of Colourful Piñatas?

It was a cold winter’s evening in Staten Island. Everyone was tucked away in their houses—including vampires and their familiars. In one vampire coven, a human familiar was sitting in his room, squeezing a stress doll rhythmically. He was chanting something, trying to abate terrible visions in his mind.

 

“Biology is not destiny.”

 

The Baron.

 

“Biology is not destiny.”

 

Ludwig.

 

“Biology is not destiny.”

 

Nandor.

 

Nandor.

 

Nandor.

 

“Guillermo?”

 

The human was snapped out of his trance. At the entrance of his room was Nandor the Relentless.

 

“Oh, uh, good evening, Master!” Guillermo said.

 

“Hello, Guillermo!” Nandor replied. “May I come in?”

 

“O-of course!” Guillermo said. “Come in.”

 

Nandor made his way onto Guillermo’s bed. Guillermo made sure to swing his legs onto the floor before the vampire could make them his seat.

 

“Is there anything you need, Master?” Guillermo asked. He was trying his best to sound calm and collected.

 

“Oh, not right now, Guillermo, thank you,” Nandor replied. “I was just wondering how you were doing. You seem a bit tense right now. Is that right?”

 

Guillermo darted his eyes around the room, making sure not to make eye contact with his master. He set the stress toy aside in favour of clasping his hands together and twiddling his thumbs. “I… I wouldn’t say that!” Guillermo said. “I’ve just… I’ve been—.”

 

“You’ve been thinking, haven’t you?” Nandor interrupted.

 

“Uh, yes, Mas—.”

 

“What’s on your mind, then?”

 

Guillermo took a few deep nasal breaths before speaking further. “You know how I’m descended from… piñata farmers?” he said.

 

“Of course!” Nandor said. “A very noble profession indeed!”

 

“Yeah, uh, about that…,” Guillermo said. “Do… do you think that, because I’m descended from piñata farmers… does that mean that I’m destined to become one, too?”

 

Nandor stared quietly at Guillermo. Then, he laughed.

 

“Of course not!” he said gently, rubbing Guillermo’s left knee. “Just because your ancestors were one thing, that doesn’t mean you have to be the same thing! Why, if I had followed in _my_ ancestors’ footprints, I… well, I would be dead by now, wouldn’t I?”

 

“That’s true,” Guillermo said, keeping his breath at a steady pace. He reached over for the stress toy again. “But, like… what if I were really good around piñatas? Would that… would that mean anything?”

 

“No, I don’t think so,” Nandor replied. “It would mean you’re good around piñatas, but it’s not like the ghosts of your ancestors can possess you and make you carry on the family tradition.” He paused. “Well, they _could,_ but it would be quite dramatic.”

 

Guillermo stroked the stress toy. “Y-yeah, I guess so,” he said.

 

“Besides, right now, you’re my familiar!” Nandor said. “You’ve got a totally different calling from your ancestors!”

 

The human fixed his gaze straight ahead. “Y-yeah,” he said, a little _too_ soberly. “Totally different.”

 

“You could go be a piñata farmer if you wanted to,” Nandor continued, “but it would have to be your decision. Your ancestors can’t make it for you.” There was another pause. “Well, okay, they could, but again—it would be very dramatic. Lots of lightning and writhing involved.  Very… very electric.”

 

It took a moment for Guillermo to respond. Finally, he let out a small, “Yeah.”

 

“... You don’t want to become a piñata farmer, do you, Guillermo?” Nandor asked.

 

“Of course not!” Guillermo replied immediately. “I want to be here with you!”

 

“And I want you to be here with me, too!” Nandor replied. He put his arm around Guillermo’s shoulder. Suddenly, Guillermo felt a certain pressure building up right at his tear ducts. “So don’t worry about the past,” Nandor continued. “Just focus on the now! You can be whomever and whatever you want to be!”

 

“Even a vampire?” Guillermo asked hopefully. He turned his face toward Nandor.

 

“Eh, maybe,” Nandor said. “You never know.”

 

“Yeah, that’s true,” Guillermo said, turning back away.

 

“Just be who you want to be!” Nandor concluded. Then, he added, “Also, could you take the cape I left in the hall to the dry cleaner’s? I—there was a little accident with a victim, if you know what I mean.”

 

“Yes, of course, Master,” Guillermo replied.

 

“Great!” Nandor said. “Now, is there anything else you want to talk about?”

 

“N-no, I think we’ve covered all of the bases,” Guillermo replied. “Thank you, Master.”

 

“Anytime, Guillermo!” Nandor replied, getting up to leave. “Oh, that all familiars could be like you… even if yOU DID THROW HOLY WATER ON ME! Seriously, Guillermo? Honest to goodness, man! Such a disgrace!”

 

“Sorry, Master….”

 

“Oh, I’m sure you are! It’s a good thing I like having you around so much, or else… I don’t even know!”

 

With that, Nandor left the room. Once again, Guillermo was alone with his thoughts.

 

“ _Be who you want to be”,_ Guillermo pondered. He lied down on his bed.

 

_But how?_


End file.
